distressing separation

What do you do when someone who has been a solid, well, somewhat solid, part of your life for years and years, and then all of a sudden you are told that they can no longer stay in contact with you? Even though me and this person are no longer anything but friends, and haven't been for some years, but it's like I'm being split and a part of me is leaving with him. We had always said that no matter who we were with, or where our lives took us, that we would stay in touch - no matter what - but now he's saying that he just can't do it any longer. That it's just too painful. It's not what he 'wants' to do, but it's what he 'needs' to do for his own sanity b/c of his current situation. I respect that, and will always be here if he decides to come back into my life and needs a friend, but it's still very hard. I still love him very much as a person, and it feels like a part of me is dying. It's not the romantic love that I have with Ty, it's just a deeply rooted love for him as a person.

When I read the letter from him telling me all this, I cried. I couldn't help it. I tried and tried to fight back the tears but was unable to. It talked about a lot of the things that we had been through in the past and over the years, and said that this in no way is him telling me that he doesn't care anymore or anything, it's just something he's got to do. I wrote him back telling him that I understand his reasons, but that I can't lie and say that Im not hurt. I feel anger, hurt, betrayal, sadness...all rolled into one. It would be selfish to let those feelings consume me, but it's hard sometimes to fight them off. I just wrote and told him that no matter what he decides, I'll always love him and be here if he ever changes his mind and wants to contact me again. It was one of the hardest letters I've ever had to write. Instead of being 'sealed with a kiss', it was 'sealed with a tear'.

It's just been weighing on my mind the last few days...even though we didn't talk all that often, it still has made a HUGE impact on me. It's like I can fell him missing already. -sigh-

Enough of my ramblings.....so long kiddies....

-b